Womanly Trials and Tribulations

Happy almost summer! Is it really happy though?

I freaking HATE summer. And heat. And humidity. And all that comes with it. Exposing my body??? Heck no. Let’s just say my mid to late 40’s are NOT agreeing with me. 

Perimenopause is a curse word to all women my age. Our moms somehow suffered (semi) silently, or possibly just took out their misery on us. Which would explain A LOT.

Thanks to Instagram Reels and TikTok, more and more women are coming out and speaking about the TRUTH of perimenopause and all that comes with it. It’s not just hot flashes and missed periods. It’s much, MUCH more. 

You may be saying, dramatic much? Well unless you’re IN IT, you have no room to talk. And yes, I’m more irritable, which is clearly one of the symptoms. 

Some of the lesser-mentioned pain in the butt indications are as follows:

• Brain fog
• Weight gain
• Insomnia
• Depression
• Joint pain
• Dry eyes
• Skin issues

And much, much more! 

Sound fun yet? Don’t forget the fact that there has been little to no research on perimenopause until recently and even less sympathy from others.

Let’s bring it back to me, as I love to do. I’ve suffered from OCD, ADHD, and depression most of my life. It’s been fairly well controlled by medication and therapy for around 20 years. Until the last year or so, when everything seemed to explode around me. Suddenly I had zero focus, extreme anxiety, and would wake up at 3 AM every night dripping in sweat, unable to go back to sleep. I blamed it somewhat on Lupus, which also contained some of these symptoms, but as I spoke more and more to friends, it became clear this was a shared experience.

Can we talk about stomach fat? Not just the general pound or two, but a large pouch of FLAB that won’t go away. Am I bloated or 6 months pregnant? Sometimes it’s hard to even tell. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself physically. Let’s not even discuss the sagging face and wrinkles. 

 

Months ago, I was studying for my NYC real estate test, and COULD NOT remember a thing. Even simple information wouldn’t stick, despite reading it over and over… and over. I have never felt so useless and stupid. Did it help that others would say “It’s not that hard!” and “You’re smart, you’ll do fine.” No, no it didn’t. For months this went on and my depression grew stronger. Was I really that stupid? And useless? I couldn’t remember anything, and I couldn’t pass. 

Despite my many antidepressants, I spiraled into depression. Laying on my couch, negative self-talk, suicidal thoughts, all of it was back. I hated myself. And as stupid as it sounds… TikTok helped bring me back. 

Yes, a 47-year-old woman saved by social media. Who knew? But my feed was filled with similar stories, and I felt less alone. After months, I sought new help. I started a Ketamine journey (see you next month for a full story on THAT). And I got through a lot of it. But I still suffer, and so do my friends. Because if you don’t know already, perimenopause can last for 4-10 YEARS. So I’m here for the ride, like it or not. 

And yes, I did end up passing my test, if you’re wondering. I’m not that stupid after all!

If you are a woman feeling different, hopeless, useless, or similar, know you aren’t alone. We are all going through it. And the more we talk about it, the more it can be studied. Speak loud, ladies! Use your (irritated) voices!