It is so hard to wrap my head around at what this past year has been like. This time last year Douglas and I continued our dialogue about adopting a baby. Although we had talked about it many times in the past, this is when the conversations really became much more in depth.
October of 2015 started the serious discussions about whether or not we were ready and when we realized we were… just how the heck we were going to make it happen.
Ill first of all say this… EVERY SINGLE PERSON you know in life, you have met for a purpose.
There is a reason for everything, you just may not know it now. And in time, the reasons reveal themselves. We reached out to everyone that we knew of that have adopted, which was not alot of people. And most of them did not get back to us. So we were left full of unanswered questions and a path we wanted to go down, but absolutely no idea how to go down it.
So I suppose we started like any other couple would that wanted to adopt. GOOGLE.
We found 2 agencies that were located on the west coast that seemed like our type of route. We would have to fly there and begin orientation. The wait time for gay couples usually ranges between 3 to 5 years. But we were ready and eager to wait. We made the call and requested our starter packet. And we waited…
The very next day we recieved an email from one of the original parents we had reached out to months prior. This person was actually co workers with our neighbor at the time. She had given us his email and we reached out to him. As life would have it, a few months later, he responded. He knew of an adoption attorney that was in need of a family, particularly a gay family that was ready to adopt. So he gave us the attorney ‘s contact and we immediately reached out to her.
It was the first week of November and I remember exactly where we were, what we were doing and how we felt. When she said that she had a birth mother in our city… Our hearts jumped. But when she said that the birth mother was particularly looking for a same sex couple… our hearts nearly jumped out of our chests. We both looked at each other in our kitchen with our eyes as big as saucers and with cautious optimism asked what we needed to do. We frantically composed a bio with a few pictures to send the birth parents to hopefully, maybe match. We sent it over and all we could do was wait.
That night we left a restaurant and were in the neighborhood of where the hospital where the baby we were hoping to match with was. As soon as we passed it a huge shooting star shot across the sky. In New Orleans you really don’t see shooting stars. We were amazed and just hoped that could just be a devinely planned sign.
We found out the next day that she wanted to meet us in person. As much as we wanted to shout from the rooftops and tell everyone we knew… we knew it needed to be kept secret. We heard so many heart breaking stories about how some adoptions fall through, and we didnt want to jinx anything. As hard as it was to keep quiet, that is what we did.
We met with the birth parents multiple times, and each time got to know them and their families a little bit better.
We soon found out that we indeed matched. They picked us! As soon as that became clear, we scrambled to get the nursery in order! It was quickly transformed into a peaceful wonderland. It was exactly how I envisioned it.
We knew that adpotion has high points and low points. We also knew that the baby was born at 32 weeks. That is a little premature. She needed to stay in the NICU until she was healthy enough to be discharged. We had a few close calls on finalizing. We knew the birth mother started to get attached to the baby as she was in the hospital. It even was told to us that she had changed her mind in the 11th hour. It was being labled as a “failed adoption”.
All I could do was cry. It felt like there was a death in the family. Everything had been done on our end. We did everything we needed to do. We even had a brand new nursery. I just prayed that I could get my heart in a place to accept it and be happy for the mother. To just allow myself to know how difficult it must have been for her. To put myself in her place. As hard as it was, I did.
And then, the phone rang.
It was about the birth mother. She again, changed her mind and said the papers would be signed on Friday. Of everything that we went through… this was the hardest to wrap my mind around. I was just in 2 days of mourning and then all of a sudden I am to be completely over joyed? How could I be? I was more scared than anything, just because I was terrified It could fall through again. However, Friday came… and we adopted our baby. Our beautiful
Roberta Allison Mae Alexander… “Alli Mae.”
We were told at first we would wait between 3-5 years. We ended up waiting 3 and half weeks.
No one we have talked to, the agency, social worker, attorney, no one has heard of an adoption that fast. But it happened. As hard as some of the days were to get through… we made it. And we wouldn’t have changed anything that happened. It all made us stronger in the end. We are so grateful for both the birth mother and birth father. They both have such supporting and special families. We are honored that they chose us and this wonderful life brought us all together at this very important time. We will always be eternally grateful to all of them.
If you and your partner are searching in hopes to find a baby just know… it will come in its right time. You will know in your heart.
Talk to each other. Lean on each other.
And if you need to, cry with each other. Sometimes, adoptions do fail. And when they do, have faith that you will pick up the pieces and march forward. Stay strong. Think positive.
What will be, will be. You are here for a purpose. You meet everyone in your life for a reason.
And everything that happens in your life is destined.
Always remember that.
I would love for you to follow our family’s journey on