Finding Ella

Tonight, I can now tell you that this has been the most difficult and emotional journey I think we have ever experienced. Adoption is a true blessing, but the fact of the matter is-
it is never a sure thing until the very end.
All of the legislation and laws are in favor of the birthmother- and understandably so.
We as the adoptive family really have no say so in what happens until the very end of the process. Everything is in place to protect the birthmother- so, everything put forth by the adoptive family is put there by faith and that alone.
Just a couple of days after I wrote my previous blog piece called
“Silver Linings”, our attorney reached out to us and apologized for the heartache the last birthmother put us through.
Heartache it truly was. The month of March was a particularly difficult month for me. It was really hard for me to process all that we have gone through. The emotions we experienced on a daily basis were just so intense. The ups and downs like a roller coaster that didn’t seem to stop until all of a sudden… it did.
It ended so abruptly. There was no closure on why the birthmother changed her mind or what her new plan was and Douglas and I will never know. I had to come to peace with that.
I just know that everyone has a plan and it wasn’t in our plan
to adopt her baby.

So, as we were speaking with our attorney, she continued on with… “I have found you another one!”
At that point, all I could really do was cry.
Were we ready to do this again? Could we really put our hearts out there one more time? She seemed cautiously optimistic yet very hopeful.
So, after really discussing this drastic turn of events, we allowed ourselves to step out of our comfort zones for one last attempt. It was a hail Mary, but we were willing to do it again.
This was our second match since January 20th of this year.
Her baby was due at the end of May, so the time difference really wasn’t too far off from the original birthmother ‘s due date. It gave us about a months more planning to do.
Like I have said before, each adoption situation is different. This scenario was completely different from our first daughter’s story. This time around we grew to become friends with our birthmother. She called us, and we called her. That friendship I felt really made our bond more special because we were emotionally invested with each other. We cared for her and her two boys. What she had went through was so inspiring and to me, she is a shining example of a phenomenal mother that would do anything for her kids. She was just not in a situation to have another one. We are all able to open up to each other and express our vulnerabilities.
We had our hearts broken the time before, so we were paranoid and hypersensitive about everything… I was at least. I had to just let go of my fears and allow my mind to rest. I had to just hang on to the faith of knowing that our plan was being written by the courage we allowed ourselves to have.

As we marched onward towards her due date, she had a few close calls with early labor. Douglas ended up taking her 4 times to the hospital during the month of May.
Then, at around midnight on May 22nd we got a text to rush to the hospital! This was the real deal. We jumped out of bed and went as fast as we could to meet her, and at 12:53 am our baby was born! Our prayers were answered and we were given a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl to complete our family.

So although I was sad and seemed hopeless in March, my heart was overjoyed and grateful in May. Blessings rarely come without heartache. It is through the pain you realize the purpose.

The first time we got to hold our daughter Ella.

Silver Lingings are always there. You just have to look for them. Sometimes it is hard for us to find them ourselves. It helps to have someone you love point them out for you- And when they do, have faith in finding your dream, the ambition to make it happen and the patience to perceiver.

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